


Unreasonable

by morninglassofoj



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Drunken Shenanigans, M/M, Marauders' Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-11
Updated: 2016-02-11
Packaged: 2018-05-19 16:36:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5974234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/morninglassofoj/pseuds/morninglassofoj
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus may have lost control a bit at the Yule ball, embarrassing himself and Sirius. Sirius wants to talk, but with Remus thwarting all his attempts, this is set to be a very long Christmas holiday.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Looking back, he wasn't quite sure, exactly, why he'd done it.

Granted, he'd had quite a bit of punch in him and, ergo-thanks to Prongs-quite a bit of firewhiskey, but he was usually able to hold his liquor impeccably well-for a teenaged boy, he supposed-so he had ruled out the effects of alcohol

He was usually a good deal more apt to do these sorts of things around the full moon, the week before to be specific. But, the full moon had passed four days prior and, though he was quite sore, he could give very little credit to the moon for his actions.

Perhaps it had just been the atmosphere of the place. He wasn't usually very enthusiastic about school dances, but something about the Yule ball seemed just so…infectious. The great hall had been decked out in its entire yuletide splendor, if not a touch more elegant than usual, and the mood in the room practically oozed holiday cheer, but not in an overdone or forced sort of way. Everyone would be leaving for Christmas holiday the day following tomorrow so, in a way, it was the last time they'd see each other before break as tomorrow would be filled with nothing but packing and brewing hangover potions. But even the atmosphere could not be blamed for Remus' behavior that night.

No it was not the alcohol or moon or some gut-feeling that anything was possible, because he certainly did not have the last one. It was Sirius, as it usually was when Remus mused over the beginnings of most of his problems. It was Sirius who had befriended him and led to his eventual "outing" of his lycanthropy. It was Sirius who had shown him how fun pranking could be and helped him defile his perfect school record. It was Sirius who had almost let him kill a man; it was Sirius who had worked his way back into Remus' heart by reminding him he shouldn't be ashamed or afraid or resented purely because he was a werewolf. And it was Sirius who had been standing off to the side, slouched gracefully against the wall in the darkest corner of the great hall, looking far too handsome for his own good.

Remus had long ago come to terms with the fact that he was gay. He always had been, always would be and he doubted very highly that he could either control or change that fact. What he thought he could control though had been who was subject to the effects of that fact. None of his friends knew he was gay, though he didn't make an effort to conceal it nor indulge it so they technically had no hints either way and, based on his apparent taste in men, he intended to keep it that way until he got his feelings under control. Unfortunately, he had found that no matter how hard one tries, it is very difficult not to like Sirius Black.

It was also a bit painful to hide at times, but this was a necessary evil, driven home yet again as he watched the un-ebbing flow of girls that made their way over to Sirius to be chatted up and then dismissed, feeling as if they had almost scored with the famed player. Remus scoffed at their naivety as they departed, giggling and marveling at their "luck" to have caught the great Sirius Black without a conversation partner. However, he then evaluated himself-slumped at a table on the opposite side of the great hall, lonely, and making no effort to enjoy himself at all except by taking the occasional sip of his spiked beverage. Realizing he had no reason to judge they who were actually taking advantage of the aforementioned factors-and that he really should be scoffing at his own foolishness-he downed the rest of his punch in one gulp and rose to totter drunkenly over to the punch bowl, which rested on a table conveniently close to Sirius' corner.

Of course, deep down Remus knew that if any night were the night to confess to his friend, tonight would be it. Though he knew he would be alone for the next two weeks with Sirius due to the holidays, he also knew that he could retreat to the library and hide for the remainder of the break if all did not go well. Sirius would also be well distracted by his feelings for his family around this time of year, as he had only been disowned last year, in their fifth year at Hogwarts. So he likely might ever forget that Remus had said anything to him regarding feelings at all.

Right as he reached the punch bowl, the newest song by the Twisted Sisters came on courtesy of their DJ, and Sirius' cloud of girls rushed, squealing, to the dance floor. Despite a few misplaced attempts, Sirius was not dragged unceremoniously along with them as Remus had expected and instead, crossing his arms in the carefree way that always made Remus' heart flutter, grinned and chuckled as he watched them all dance and sing along eagerly.

Something about finally seeing Sirius alone made something in Remus just completely quit working properly, which was the only excuse he had for what he did next. He wished he could look back and say Sirius had searched the crowd and his eyes locked on Remus', beckoning him to the secluded corner, but he didn't. he also wished he had been just a squick more drunk, and could have passed it off as Christmas spirit, augmented by alcohol. Or maybe just passed out in general. But he didn't.

Instead, as he watched Sirius watching them, his buzzed mind burned with jealously and he strode purposefully-to the best of his ability-over to his friend. Sirius didn't even notice his approach until he was less than five yards away, and he looked up in a way that wasn't quite disappointed, but maybe a bit worried though definitely not cheery. "Something I can help you with, mate?" he asked in a tone that Remus could almost describe as motherly. He ignored the question though and walked right up to Sirius, clasping his face in his hands and crushing their lips together. Sirius didn't gasp in surprise, though he subconsciously opened his mouth into the kiss, complying with Remus' demands. Though he wasn't pulling away in disgust, Remus also noticed that he wasn't necessarily returning the kiss either. Remus pulled away and dropped his hands,surveying the look on Sirius' face.

Though he was usually very good at reading expressions, this one was so muddled that he couldn't even begin to fathom Sirius' feelings at the moment. It was mainly shock, obviously, but it also amused to see serious Remus looking so disheveled. But Sirius' countenance was so close to falling, like a man teetering on the edge of a cliff, not yet sure whether he should jump or not, that Remus knew he'd made a mistake. He knew exactly what the expression would fall to if Sirius let his guard down: disgust.

Just then, the song ended and the gaggle of girls began to make their way back over to Sirius, so Remus did all he could think of; he fled. He didn't even wait long enough to hear if Sirius was calling for him to come back; he didn't care. Though no one had seen, thank Merlin, he was thoroughly humiliated and doubted he would be able to look Sirius evenly in the eye for the next few weeks, perhaps months, maybe years. He sprinted all the way back to the Gryffindor common room and didn't slow until he had reached the landing outside the Marauders' shared dorm. He rushed in and prepared for bed as quickly as humanly-or inhumanly, he supposed-possible before crawling into bed and snapping the curtains shut around him. Curling into a ball under his covers, he prayed the others would leave him alone and tried to be as small as possible, though he doubted it would make him any harder to find.

After about a half hour had passed, all three remaining marauders stumbled into the dorm, Peter and Sirius supporting a very drunk James by the sounds of their labored wheezing and his mindless babbling, followed by the groan of his bed springs as he was flung onto his bed. James was faintly singing some love song or another, though it was hardly recognizable except that Remus could occasionally make out various lyrics about loving Lily every now and then. The other two chuckled at their friend before shuffling off to their respective beds.

"I guess Moony turned in early as usual, eh, Sirius?" Peter joked. Sirius made a startled sound that he just barely contained before clearing his throat and replying, "Yeah, uhm, he came up to me a while ago. Said he was bored, tired, wanted to study, still sore from the full moon y'know. The works." All this came out as a jumbled mess, though Peter didn't seem to notice. "We should probably quiet down y'know, so he can sleep. He needs his rest and we all do y'know? And all the other Gryffindors are trying to sleep as well. And James is already asleep so we should follow his lead or we might wake him up. And Remus." It was easy to tell Sirius was shaken, and judging by the silence he knew Peter was probably giving him a funny look.

"Are you all right, Padfoot?" he asked after a long pause. "What? Yes I'm fine, just a bit tired and all. We should quiet dow-" "Sirius I wasn't talking, don't tell me to quiet down again." "Oh, right. I was just-" "Goodnight, Sirius" Remus heard Sirius sigh nervously before replying, "Goodnight, Peter" he heard the faint squeak of bed springs and they settled in, and then silence.

Before long he heard the loud and drunken snores of Peter and James. Though Sirius didn't normally snore, Remus could still tell he was awake and knew Remus was awake and knew that Remus knew both of these things. He could practically feel Sirius' eyes trying to bore holes in the drapes surrounding Remus' bed. He sighed and rolled over so that his back faced Sirius. Sirius was never like this, never so flustered and bad at lying, and Remus knew without a doubt there was a reckoning coming for him once James and Peter left for the holiday.


	2. Chapter 2

Sirius heard Remus' sigh as he shifted in bed, and wished his curtains weren't so tightly drawn. Which way was he facing? Was he looking at Sirius? If he could see anything, even just his hand or knee-maybe even just his pinky toe- he wouldn't feel nearly as uneasy.

He wouldn't be left with so many questions.

But at least it was comforting that he wasn't the only one awake, though it was hard to tell with Peter and James' snores echoing throughout the stone chamber. He knew Remus, and even if he hadn't had the most confusing and stressful and exhausting night he'd still be awake. On nights they both couldn't sleep, Sirius remembered he'd always climb into Remus' bed, especially the weeks right after he'd been disowned, because shameful as it was, he would've cried himself to sleep if Remus hadn't kept him talking. Seeing as he didn't hold any love for any of them at all, he had been loathe to admit to James or Peter how he felt, but he hadn't had to admit to Remus. Remus just knew.

'What would he do if i crawled in with him right now?' He knew Remus was confused-he was confused as well- but would that keep him from treating Sirius like he usually did? He opened his mouth a few times to ask, but closed it right away. He didn't even know if he wanted to actually be welcome in Remus' bed or just wanted to know that he would be. Best for him to gather his own thoughts before asking for Remus'.

He rarely approached things logically, unlike Remus who would think about decisions for weeks if he was left alone long enough, but he sincerely doubted Remus would be pleased if he wanted to jump in headfirst to his exploration of the subject and think later. Especially right now when he was most likely trying very hard to fall asleep. But, given no other options, he supposed he could be semi-content to just think for now.

He could probably ask Remus why he had done it. But he supposed he didn't really need to know why as much as what effect it would have on the two of them. Or maybe not the effect on both of them as much as the effect on him. or maybe not even what the effect was so much as why it was affecting him so much. He was the unflappable Sirius Black, and it had just been a kiss, hadn't it?

Of course it was just a kiss, and not the best one ever either. Sure, Remus had done some fantastic things with his tongue and when their teeth clicked once or twice it had been like lightening down his spine but that doesn't mean it was any good. After all, he was straight. He just spent an entire night flirting with girls, trying to get a quick snog in a corner at least. One mildly brilliant kiss wouldn't change that. Even if he did occasionally find himself watching Remus more than James or Peter-Peter was too chubby for his taste anyway and James was too much taller to comfortably and casually observe-and even now was still pondering the merits of climbing in bed with Remus. He was just a snuggler and that meant absolutely nothing.

Even if he had been a tad disappointed when Moony broke the kiss and ran off that meant less than nothing. After all, he was probably a victim of raging hormones and a little too much alcohol. He was entirely prone to irrational feelings.

But Remus had looked so...broken when he had pulled away, so uncertain and exhausted, it had pulled at Sirius' heart more than any lewd comment by the girls he conversed with ever did. But that was just concern for a friend who had had too much to drink, after all. In fact, he had been so worried about Remus that he had left the crowd of girls he was chatting with, and hung out with James and Peter the rest of the night. And if it had been so painful to see Remus' curtains drawn when they came upstairs that he began spewing airheaded nonsense, it was no indicator of his more than friendly feelings.

Of course, he would have to teach Remus how to kiss better before he released him into the world. It probably would have been better had he joined in. He had been so shocked-a good shock, of course. He was pleased to see Remus finally cutting loose and having fun-that he didn't even think to respond. They might have to try it again. After all it wasn't like they didn't both want to.

'Wait where did that come from?' Sirius refused to address those peculiar thoughts before moving on, but was not pleased with where they went instead. For some reason he found himself rethinking over all of his excuses. It was like the shameful proofread of a history of magic essay after staying up until the odd hours of the morning writing cockamamie analyses of various goblin wars: in short, painful.

Remus running off had led to him abandoning his search to hang out with his lovesick friend and his scared-of-his-own-shadow friend, eventually carrying the former up seven flights of stairs. All the while, he was left wishing Remus hadn't run off, feeling his lips and marveling at what had taken place. His heart had been fluttering and he kept thinking of Remus' face and his soft, brown eyes that were always calmly taking in information. Try as he might to deny it he had felt something which hadn't been felt because of a girl. If he had really wanted a snog or more he could have asked any of the girls surrounding him. But he had been waiting for that spark, for that lightning that flashed down his spine when Remus kissed him, and it just wasn't there in all those girls.

Sirius sat bolt upright, a gasp caught in his throat causing him to cough. When he got a hold of his ragged breathing, he rested his head in his hands and brought his knees to his chest. 'Holy fuck, I'm gay'.

After a while, his breathing slowed and he laid back down, eyes once again fixed on Remus' curtains, willing them to open, but he could faintly hear Remus' even breathing beneath the snores of the others and knew he was asleep. 'Is this why Remus always thinks instead of acting?' He mused over how much more efficient it was than his other methods of dealing with unknowns, eyes still fixed on where he supposed Remus lay. Vaguely, he heard him mumble and roll over in his sleep, and for a moment he was breathless. Merlin, he's so cute. He froze, then groaned and rolled over on his back. A minute ago he had been stubbornly straight and now he was calling his best mate cute? "Good gods, Remus. We really need to talk." he whispered to the air before finally falling into a fitful sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Remus was gone when he woke up. Of course he was, he was Remus; if he could survive agonizingly painful transformations every month on the full moon, a hangover wouldn't keep him from going to the library.

Sirius, on the other hand, had a splitting headache and felt like his throat had sealed shut over night it was so dry. If he thought he could've, he would've gone back to bed, but with James and Peter's snores attempting to break the sound barrier he wasn't too inclined to try. So, going against all of his basest instincts, he shakily rose and dressed before stumbling to the bathroom. He ignored his lackluster appearance in the mirror and set to splashing water on his face. After all, it was very important that he find Remus. He wasn't sure why-he wasn't awake enough to process thoughts just yet-but he knew one thing; Remus would be in the library.

The common room was mercifully quiet when he got down the stairs, and the couches by the fire were calling out to him in his sleepy, hungover state. But that nagging part of him still insisted that he find and talk to Remus. Sirius shook himself and resumed his tromp to the library. The rest of the castle was almost deserted as well and, upon checking his watch, Sirius was shocked to find that it was only just then eight o'clock. Vaguely muttering about getting this over with, he sped up and was at the doorway to the library in less than five minutes, still clueless as to what was so important that it brought him there

His eyes searched the nearly empty library and found Remus, curled up in his usual spot between the last shelf and the wall dividing the main library from the restricted section, reading, as was to be expected. The sight of him so relaxed brought all of all of Sirius' memories back in a whirlwind and very nearly knocked the wind out of him. The shock of the flood of information elicited a barely audible gasp which caused Remus to look up from his book curiously. Sirius cursed and ducked out of the doorway just in time to escape his notice. Once out of sight, he leaned back against the wall and slowly sank to the floor, surprised to find how heavily his heart was pounding. Just like last night, he sat there, struggling to regain his breath-and his composure-as the revelations of the previous night threatened to overwhelm him once more.

'Maybe I should take some time, think this through first and come to terms with this before I try explaining it to someone else', he thought before sighing and reminding himself that it wouldn't-no, couldn't-work that way. Remus deserved an explanation, however jumbled and confusing it might be, and he needed to talk about it out loud if he were ever to understand it himself.

Groaning lightly, he rose to his feet, thanking Merlin that at least he was lucid now. It would be hard enough to explain if he didn't fully understand what was going on himself; It would be much worse if he suddenly started babbling nonsense and then fell asleep as well as he was prone to do on early mornings. He made his way over to Remus as quietly as he could, which wasn't very quiet considering, and Remus looked up once again at the sound. For a moment his face was overcome with panic before he visibly clamped down on his emotions and a mask of indifference came up instead.

"Sleep well, Padfoot?' he asked a little too calmly. Still a bit moody from his early awakening and consequent headache, Sirius plopped down rather ungracefully next to him and insisted, "None of that, Moony, we need to talk." Remus sighed and reluctantly closed his book. "All right. You first." Sirius opened his mouth to start and unfortunately the courage brought on by the annoyance of a moment ago had left him and he no longer had the ability to voice his thoughts properly.

'Well, Moony, I've done a lot of thinking-yes, thinking, I thought you'd be impressed- and I've come to the realization that I'm gay. Incredibly gay. For you. And I like you. A lot. And I think we should do stuff. Together. Like anything. Kissing, Hogsmeade visits. Pranking. Studying. Except we do a lot of that together already. So we should do a lot of kissing. Like last night. I liked last night a lot. Except when you ran off, y'know. Could we do that again? Without the running off, though.' As that raced through his head, he was glad none of it came out. But he was not necessarily pleased with what did, either. "Ah...uhm...you-uh...I mean, I...Last night was...Interesting..." Mentally, he slapped himself. 'Interesting? That's the best you can do, you tosser? That is the worst word possible!'

Remus huffed and moved to collect his things, "You don't have to say it Sirius. I'm sorry about what happened," He said dryly, with very little emotion, "and I promise it won't happen again. Let's just forget this ever happened; It was a mistake." Remus rose to go and, desperately, Sirius grabbed a hold of his hand, protesting, "No, Remus, please-"

"Enough, Sirius! I don't want to talk about it." Remus tried in vain to free his hand from Sirius' grasp, but Sirius was far too determined to let that happen. "That's fine, Moony," He whined, "We don't have to talk about-" "Sirius, Let me go!" Remus demanded, struggling in earnest to escape. "No!" Sirius cried with a firm tug that landed Remus on the floor, sprawled across Sirius' lap. Remus sighed heavily before meeting his eyes, and Sirius swore he could see the beginnings of tears prickling in the corners of his eyes. Just like that, he knew he would do anything to keep them from falling.

"Sirius, please, I don't want to talk-" but he was cut off by Sirius wrapping his hand behind his neck and pulling him into a brief kiss. "I don't want to talk either, Moony." He whispered before pulling him into another kiss. He didn't respond at first, but when Sirius prodded his sealed lips lightly, seeking to deepen the kiss, he opened up completely. Though it was much less urgent that the kiss of the night before, it was definitely leaps and bounds better. Without the dampening affects of alcohol, Sirius felt Remus exploring his mouth much more diligently, and he returned the favor hungrily, pleasantly surprised to hear Remus moan into the kiss. But then his moans became more insistent, and more like protests than sounds of pleasure, until suddenly Sirius was shoved against the library wall, watching as Remus smoothed any wrinkles in his clothing and gathered his things before starting to scamper off. Right before he left the library, he turned and regarded Sirius with a stony stare. "I don't know what you think you're playing at, Black, but it's not funny and I won't have any part in it."

Before Sirius could call out after him, He was gone.


	4. Chapter 4

Remus was seething; he couldn't remember the last time he was so mad. Well, actually, he could, and how fitting that Sirius Black had been the cause of both. It was always Sirius. He wasn't even sure if he was even remotely as mad about the actual occurrence so much as he was that it was Sirius. It. Was. Always. Sirius. It always had been, always would be the connivingly gorgeous prankster who caused him his true troubles. Normally he couldn't stay mad at him for very long, but this time he was determined; this time was different. This time it was about feelings, about something more than a detention. Just because Sirius was comfortable toying with the emotions of the female population it did not mean Remus would let him get used to playing with his. Everything was a plaything to Sirius-everything could be made funny-and Remus was determined not to become one again. Not like last year.

No, this time, if Remus had any say in the matter-and he was going to make sure he did- he and Sirius would not be on good terms until Easter, if then. Sirius had to stop causing him such serious problems, and he swore, if any little part of his brain laughed at the unintentional pun, he would jam his wand in his ear and bore out the traitorous node himself.

But just because Sirius was being punished didn't mean James and Peter needed to be as well. Yes, Remus was a bottomless pit of rage on the inside, but on the outside he was just as calm and reserved as usual. The only telling change was that he sat next to Pete at lunch and dinner instead of taking his usual seat next to Sirius. But James and Peter were far too hungover to notice, much less care. No, his strategy would be to just ignore Sirius completely over the break, and that would be all the wrath he would suffer; Remus was feeling rather charitable despite it all.

Though, he must say, he hadn't even begun yet and it already seemed to be working. Sirius sat across from him looking retrospective and morose. He was the picture of a repentant sinner, not only sorry he got caught, but sorry in all contexts of the word. According to James, he had been moping about on the grounds all day and he certainly looked it. There were mud and grass stains all over his trousers, and his hair was wild and wind tossed, with a few leaves and grass blades nestled in the now thoroughly tangled locks. For the boy who usually spent more time fixing his hair than the other three combined, it was quite surprising indeed.

Remus didn't believe it for a second.

It was obviously an elaborate act, designed to elicit sympathy from Remus so he could be made the butt of another private joke. Sirius had already played the confused, love-struck puppy once already, and Remus sure as hell wasn't falling for the beaten and pathetic lovesick puppy act either.

Sirius seemed to be paying is friends no attention as he sat there, picking at his food. Before they even reached the main course, he excused himself before trudging sullenly out of the Great Hall. Peter, who had perked up considerably with well prepared food in his stomach, piped up through a mouthful of chicken, "What's up with him?", pointing vaguely after Sirius with the chicken leg in his hand. Remus shrugged, "Dunno, but I do hope he snaps out of it. I can't have him moping about in the dorm all depressed if I'm to be working on that arithmancy essay." Peter glanced at him briefly, obviously puzzled by the sudden disappearance of his friend's normally caring nature, before shrugging and returning to his food.

James, who was currently half laying on the table, his head pillowed in the crook of his elbow, muttered, "he's probably depressed about those no good gits of ex-family members. It is the holidays after all. I don't know why he doesn't just come home with me over the holidays instead of..." After that it was unintelligible and the other two resumed eating in silence.

When dinner had ended and James had been prodded out of his stupor, they headed up to a much similar sight as the night before. Sirius was apparently in bed, his curtains drawn shut. Peter and Remus were somewhat supporting a sleepy James, once again guiding him roughly to his bed. Peter vowed loudly to never let James near a bottle of Firewhiskey again, and they all settled into their beds for the night.

Briefly, Remus glanced at Sirius' bed before drawing his own drapes. Something was going on with Sirius, but he did not intend to find out what. Let him wallow in self pity until James or Peter returned for all Remus cared, but he would not be inquiring to help Sirius anytime soon.

 

For once, Remus managed to get both James and Peter on the train without a hitch, bags completely packed and both at least partially awake and groomed. Sirius hadn't deigned to get up, and that was perfectly fine with him. It just meant only two thirds the trouble to deal with before nine in the morning. When he got back to the dormitory, in fact, Sirius' curtains were still closed against the morning sun.

The library was closed for the day, Madame Pince had taken ill, so against his better judgement, Remus settled down on his bed to study. The common room would be full of the few boisterous Gryffindors who had chosen to stay for the duration of the break and they would no doubt be celebrating the lack of school work, or rather, the amount of time they had to put off doing school work.

However, Remus did not want to spend the end of the break completing what could have already been done. Besides, Sirius was apparently content to avoid him as well, so as long as he was in here he would refuse to move. Remus' anger was now merely smoldering, but that didn't mean he couldn't indulge in such a minor way of making Sirius pay.

 

Nearly three days had passed and somehow the two had managed to bypass each other entirely. A third year had come up asking Remus for help on a charms assignment, and when he had arrived back in the dormitory, Sirius' bed was made, the curtains now open. Remus would reach breakfast early and then head up the hall to the library just as Sirius was coming down the stairs from Gryffindor tower. The same would routinely happen with lunch and dinner. And, eventually, one would always reach the dormitory before the other did, the latter finding the other tucked snugly away in their bed.

The lack of contact with the object of his anger was making Remus antsy and cantankerous. Though he wouldn't have truly expressed his anger if he had seen Sirius, it was mildly disappointing to not get the chance to not express anger. Finally, Remus walked up to the dorm to finish up an essay for Potions, and found Sirius sitting on his own bed doing the same assignment.

Since he knew he wasn't the original offender, Remus comfortably walked to his bed to begin working, half expecting Sirius to freeze in terror at the sight of him. But Sirius just sat there, writing nonchalantly on his parchment. They sat there in stiff silence for a half hour before Sirius sighed loudly, causing Remus to pointedly not look up.

"It wasn't a joke, you know." Sirius somehow half mumbled, half shouted. Remus did somewhat of a double take. "What's that supposed t mean?" he asked incredulously. Sirius sighed again, "It's supposed to mean it wasn't a joke, Moony. I thought you were smarter than that." Sirius returned to his homework, leaving Remus gaping at him. Any part of his anger that had cooled down flared back up again, and he got up and stomped over to Sirius' bed and ripping the parchment out of Sirius' hands. He looked up, alarmed at the sudden show of anger. He had been on the receiving end of Remus' anger only once before, and it had not been a pleasant time in his life.

"What do you mean it wasn't a joke?" Remus asked, trying unsuccessfully to keep his tone even. Sirius sat there, before apparently mustering his courage and cautiously declaring, "I mean it wasn't a joke, it wasn't meant as a joke and I don't know why you thought it was a joke, now give me back my essay." he made a grab for the confiscated parchment but Remus yanked it out of reach. "If it wasn't a joke, then what was it?"

Now Sirius' eyes matched Remus' in frustration. He slowly rose to stand facing Remus and replied in an incredulous tone, nearly yelling, "i don't know, all right, Moony? I don't know! You tell me, because I obviously don't have much experience in this area. But, frankly, I don't care what it was and I don't know why you do when we both know what it was was amazing!" By the end he truly was yelling at Remus, mere inches from his face. Remus backed up cautiously before responding, "Not much experience? You're Sirius Fucking Black, the Hogwarts player, womanizer extraordinaire. You've gotten off with at least half the girls in school! Don't tell me you don't have experience of this sort, because I know you do and that's why I want to know what this is, because...because..." He ran his fingers through his hair testily and moved to sit on the bed, head in his hands. Sirius looked at him sitting there. "Because what, Moony?" Remus shook his head, as if he were trying to tell himself not to answer. "Because I know what I want it to be, but i think it's something completely different." he finally sighed.

Sirius stood there quietly looking at his feet for a while. "Moony," he whispered, "You kissed me first, Remus cringed at the words, "and I screwed up, but I don't understand why you're getting so angry at me for trying to make it up to you."

Remus snorted in response, looking up at his nervous friend. "But you're straight. What good is making out with your sufficiently outed gay friend going to do?" he asked, halfway genuinely. Sirius sat down next to him, squirming a bit. "What if I'm not? Straight, I mean.' he mumbled. Remus eyed him suspiciously, "Since when?"

Sirius chuckled. "Four days, actually. Coincidentally right around when you-" he was cut off by a sharp glare from Remus. "Right. Still a sore subject. Got it. I'm guessing you want me to leave you alone now, huh?" Remus nodded, turning his head, suddenly fascinated by the edge of his bed sheets. He heard and felt Sirius sigh as he got off the bed. "Fine, but can I at least say one more thing?" Remus hesitated before nodding once more. This was all too much and, as illogical as it was he was still upset about how lightly Sirius was treating the issue, as usual.

"okay, but look at me when I tell you this, Moony." Sirius' tone was suddenly very hard, not unlike Professor Mcgonagall when she caught Peter snoozing in class, and he couldn't find it in himself to disobey. A grin spread across Sirius' face and he bent down so that his face was even with Remus'. Remus only had a split second to register the sly glint in his eyes before he was yanked to his feet, causing him to stumble into Sirius' embrace. He tried to protest, but Sirius held him fast and gently brought his mouth to Remus'.

The other two kisses had been all instant gratification, but Remus could tell this one meant more, It was much more relaxed, more personal, and he was glad of the support Sirius' arms lent him, for he surely would have melted on the spot without it. When they broke away both were out of breath and Remus could feel a shy smile spread across his lips. Sirius was absolutely beaming, and Remus halfheartedly tried to force a glare on his features before chastising his, "You asked if you could say something. I never said you could do that."

Sirius grinned even wider and pressed a chaste peck on Remus' cheek. "And aren't we glad I did?" he teased. At that the two burst into hearty laughter, and Remus found that all his anger and frustration had melted away.

"So," Sirius started,"should we talk about this?" he asked while guiding Remus to sit back on the bed. Remus gave him a questioning look. "What's there to talk about?" he retorted. "Well, this." Sirius gestured vaguely between the two of them, then reached to rub the back of his neck in discomfort. "You said you know what you want, let's make it that."

Remus shrugged. "Why don't we just wing it. Tag along for the ride and decide where it goes later on?" Sirius balked. "Remus Lupin, the man who always has a plan, wants to wing it?" Remus brought a hand to rest tenderly on Sirius' shoulder so he's pay careful attention to him. "Padfoot, you only realized you're gay less than a week ago. Yes, I know what I want, but I won't pressure that on you when you've only just come to terms with it. Let's just feel this out and see where it takes us."

Sirius nodded in understanding. "So we're just going to do whatever feels right?" Remus nodded encouragingly, and was rewarded with another sly grim spreading across Sirius' face. "All right. I can do that." he declared before pouncing on Remus, attempting to pin him in a deep kiss. However, he only succeeded in pushing Remus off the floor, yelping in surprise. He winced as he sat up, rubbing the back of his head hesitantly. Sirius' face turned bright red before he stuffed his face into Remus' pillow, muttering "Sorry..." repeatedly. Remus chuckled lightly, still feeling the back of his head for bumps. "It's fine. Like I said, we're feeling this out. Maybe next time, give me a warning and we'll try it again."

Sirius kept his head in the pillow, so Remus got up and began to lightly rub his shoulder, causing him to look up. Remus bent down and gave him a brief kiss, leaving them both blushing happily. "We should head down to dinner. " he suggested, grabbing Sirius' hand in his and helping him up. Sirius nodded, still beet red and embarrassed, and they headed down to the Great Hall, hand in hand until they reached the entrance to Gryffindor tower.


	5. Chapter 5

Sirius lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, arms folded comfortable behind his head. He was undeniably the happiest he'd been in a while, butterflies still flitting about in his stomach. Dinner had been lovely, full of "accidental" hand grazes and bashful smiles across the table followed by a long walk back to the dormitories, taking all detours possible, with a few stolen kisses in the occasional (every single) alcove. Sirius swore he could still feel Remus' hand in his.

When they had gotten back to the dormitories, they hadn't done much except play a game of wizard chess which Remus won in less than ten moves, before getting ready for bed.

Despite having roomed together for going on six years now, they had found themselves blushing furiously and undressing cautiously, backs facing each other. It was downright ridiculous when it came down to it, but with their feelings revealed the idea of undressing in front of each other seemed daunting. Eventually, Remus had retreated to the bathroom after a lewd whistle from Sirius; it had been meant to relieve the tension, but unfortunately Remus had turned an unsightly shade of magenta and scurried to the toilets.

When he came out, Sirius was sitting on his bed, fully clothed, reading his potions text book. The two shared a chaste goodnight kiss and then turned the lights out, leaving Sirius as he currently was, arms folded behind his head, staring at the ceiling.

He heard Remus shifting around, trying to get comfortable and nearly chuckled at how often they found themselves in this situation lately, separated only by two curtains but so much more. Hopefully they'd get over their evasiveness soon, or this could be the most awkward relationship Sirius had ever been in-and he'd nearly had an arranged marriage with his cousin.

He heard Remus sigh, and responded in kind. After another moment, he spoke, "Moony, can I-"

"Of course Padfoot." Remus cut him off and he jumped excitedly out of his own bed and scampered across the cold stone floor to Remus' bed. "Scoot over." He muttered lightheartedly before Remus moved over to give him enough space to lay down beside him. They lay there on their sides, facing each other, then Sirius brought a hand up to stroke Remus' cheek. Remus gave a content sigh and they rolled over to their backs so they could lay comfortable but still be touching. Sirius linked his hand in Remus' and whispered in his ear, "I've missed this." Slowly, Remus turned his head and brought a hand to reach behind Sirius' neck, pulling him close in order to place a slow, sweet kiss on his slightly parted lips. "Me too.' He breathed.

Smiling, Sirius returned the favor, lightly prodding Remus' lips with his tongue until the other opened his mouth to him. When they pulled apart, Remus grinned sleepily and rolled over so that Sirius was spooning him and scooted back to snuggle deeply into Sirius, who draped an arm over Remus' middle lovingly. "G'night, Sirius." He murmured, on the edge of sleep. "Goodnight, Moony." he replied, and felt Remus relax and his breathing slow as he drifted off. Sirius reached up to stroke his shoulder blade aimlessly,n his brain still actively recounting the memories of the last week, every single kiss buzzing in his mind. Chuckling lightly, he supposed they'd have to tell James and Peter if they wanted to get away with the routine they seemed to have established. He nearly laughed outright when he pictured James' face if they were to just not mention it and proceed to make out in front of the other two marauders. To be perfectly honest, the prospect of coming out terrified him, and a large part of him wanted to keep this to himself so no one could steal his happiness.

Remus sighed in his sleep, and Sirius' heart nearly melted-as if it weren't a little puddle already anyway. All thoughts of telling the others fled his mind. If they found out, They found out, but already Sirius was loathe to give any of this up for even a moment just to give himself more time to tell his friends. Remus would help him figure it out, and everything would be fine. How could it not be when he had somehow managed to capture the heart of such an altruistic person, despite his own past? No, he would take each day as it came, with Remus by his side. As far as he was concerned, they would all be little blessings in and of themselves. He tightened his arm around Remus and nuzzled the crook of his neck, thankful that for once everything seemed to have worked in his favor.


End file.
